May 5, 2012

The Month Of May

I don't know where to begin or where I am going with this post.  But, I'm coming from my heart.  Within a matter of four months my life have been turned upside down.  I lost one of the most important people in my life.  My Grandfather, My Father, My Protector left this cruel world and I will never get over his demise. It's like nothing is regular anymore.  It even feel strange to see my Grandmother without you.  Your absence is truly felt.  As I think back on my childhood I can actually smile.  You loved us ALL unconditionally.  I often think of the many sacrifices that you made for your family.  Your only expectant of us was to do our best.  Yes, I know that I disappointed you when I didn't continue with Chestnut Hill College.  However, I know for a fact that you were proud of the woman that I grew into.  My work ethics are because of you.  The way that I treat others is because of the example that you set for me.  I cherished holidays because it was another day for me to show you through the things that you liked that you were appreciated.  Normally, I despise cards without monetary surprises.  I must have gotten that from you. Out of the hundreds of cards that I received in my life only two cards touches me emotionally.  This was the last birthday card that I will receive from the both of you together.  This card says it all.
Daddy, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you.  Realistically, I know that you are in a better place that is pain free and peaceful.  Selfishly, I'm very angry that you aren't here. I'm angry that I can't call Mama and ask what you are doing.  I'm angry that it isn't that easy for me to move on like others.  I'm just angry, Daddy.  I miss you for you.  I don't miss you for what you could do or for what you have done.  I miss you because I love you.  As your birthday rapidly approach it makes the pain worst.  It has been a ritual for my mother and I to celebrate your birthday and Mother's Day on the same day.  So, the Sunday of Mother's Day we would bring your gift and visit for dinner.  It saddens my heart that next Sunday we won't be doing that.  It saddens my heart that Tuesday I won't be able to call you and say Happy Birthday, Daddy.  I love you.  But, I'm glad that I did tell you while you were here that I love you and thank you.  So, as you rest peacefully I know for a fact that you know that I am truly thankful and appreciative for your love and your sacrifices.  So, rest Daddy and I promise you that I will raise these boys to give their absolute best and to always put God first.  I will make sure that Mekhai honors your name.  I love you, Daddy.  You are definitely the greatest person I have ever known.,,,,

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