March 31, 2010

IS YOUR MATE IN THE CLOSET?

I am coming across alot of stories from women about finding out their mates have suspect tendacies to be gay.  By know means am I a homophobic because we are all God's children.  But, I think that this down low crap is wrong.  You would be surprised to learn the number of men that are in heterosexual relationships that cheat with men behind their significant other's back.  That I think is unfair and selfish.  And the guys that are sleeping with other men would blow your mind.  I mean some of the thugish, finest, and toughest men are "in the closet homosexuals"  This makes me sick to the stomach because it should be the women's choice if she would like to commit to a man that is bisexual.  I know some of you that is reading this now is probably asking this very question "How could you find out that your man is bisexual or have gay tendacies?"  Therefore, I provided a few tips to answer your question below:

  1. Anal Check.  An anal check is while during foreplay you accidentally stick your finger up your mate's   rectum.  If he's hesitant at first but then allow you to do so.  Chances are that he thought about it or had it done before and didn't know how to ask you to do it.
  2. Anal Intercourse.  If your man is persistent about the two of you engaging in anal sex.  Like when he acts as if he almost entered the rectum by mistake and tries to coerce you into this sexual act.
  3. Gay Bashing.  This is when someone bashes someone because of their sexual preference that so happens to be gay.  We only spend much time commenting on things that we find to be important.
    4.  Feminine Gestures.  This is when your man gives off alot of female gestures.  Such as, crossing of the legs and swing them, talking with his hands, always have his hands on his hips, and etc.
    5.  Ackward Situations.  Now this one is a doozy because when your man is spending too much quality time with his best friend like last minute getaways, jealousy when their friend feels like he's being neglected, catching them in uncomfortable situations or scenerios that two men shouldn't do, and etc. 

Now, I provided you with a checklist and if your eye isn't black after an hour of lovemaking, argument after you accused him of wanting to enter the back door, him forbidding you to invite your best gay male friend over for dinner, upset that your godchild keep putting his hands on his hip, and refuse to go see a play with his bestfriend then congratulations because he is no where near being gay.

Thank you guys so much for following my blog and I welcome your opinions and support. 

March 27, 2010

WANTED:CUSTOMER SERVICE REPS FOR MARIJUANA

Pretty soon marijuana is going to be legalized in the states.  This is going to increase job ratings. Listed below are a few things that they are looking for,   Only serious applicants apply.

  1. Applicants must have weed sales experience. 
  2. Applicants must have knowledge about the product that they are selling.  People liked to be sold on the product that they are buying.
  3. Applicants must provide their own research person to test product.  Customers need  to know before hand if your product is worth buying.
  4. All Applicants must agree to random drug test.  Don't nobody want your high ass stealing their product.
  5. Last but not least, you CAN NOT have a criminal background.  Especially if you were arrested for stealing.  Nobody has the time nor patience to deal with a theif.

March 26, 2010

THROW YOUR GANG SIGNS UP FOR THE REPUBLICANS

The Republicans are hoodlums in suits.  They are no better than the next thug on the street.   I am so tired of their whining and complaining about this bill.  Not only have they made this borderline racial but, they their reasons of not agreeing with the bill is for the principle.  That is my opinion anyway. I am so proud of President Obama because he was persistent with the healthcare bill and damn it we got it.  The Republicans think they are better than us but, look who is making the fools of themselves now.  They called us animals but, they are the ones  vandilizing offices.  John McCain is just bitter because he can't raise his hands in the air like he just don't care.  Shut up it's "ONLY ROCKY"

March 23, 2010

ANONYMOUS QUESTIONS AND SITUATIONS

Okay, readers this is a few things left in my inbox after asking for suggestions on things to discuss on this blogsite.  I left the names totally anonymous and I ask that you give these ladies your honest opinions and advice.  Of course, after I leave my opinions. 

Anonymous

     My boyfriend and I are proud new parents of a healthy babyboy.  However, we are having intimacy issues.  I will be the first to admit that I put on a few extra pounds from the pregnancy.  But, I thought that would be expected.  He makes me feel obesed with the insults he make regarding my weight.  Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to make myself more appealing to my man?

A.  My honest opinion would be to go to the nearest speakeasy in your neighborhood.  Ask for a fifth of Corn Liquor.  Then you are going to the oldest male neighbor on your block that you constantly see different crack whores come out of all times of the night.  Your gonna rub up against him and talk him out of his viagra pills.  Then, you are going to go home, bathe, light some scented candles, and lay on the couch.  But, make sure to give the baby his robitussin for his cold "wink wink" because you need quietness.  Give him his drink and on the second one slip the viagra in it.  Not only is he gonna think that you look like Toni Braxton and not Precious anymore.  But, he is gonna bang you all night long.  Thanks for sharing, anonymous.

Anonymous

     My fiance and I are getting married in June.  For the last two weeks I have reasons to believe that he isn't being faithful to me.  Let's just say that he has a wandering eye.  Everytime I catch him he tries to convince me that I am going crazy.  Last night, the sun beat him home and he reeked of cheap perfume.  When I confronted him he blamed it on me being insecure.  I'm torn, confused, and have the slightest idea of what to do.  Do you think that he is cheating on me?

A.  I'm gonna keep this short and sweet for you babydoll.  Do I think that your man is cheating?  No!  I think that your man has a problem.  I think that your man is a LESBIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous

    My boyfriend of 8yrs and I are due to have a baby anyday now.  I love him very much.  But, I have a secret that will destroy not only his and I relationship.  But, will destroy his family.  Before I put this out there I ask that noone judge me because you couldn't possibly know the situation.  I have been sleeping with my boyfriend's father for a little over a year now and not once did we use a condom.  There is a big possibility that he might be the father.  Do I tell my boyfriend that not only have I betrayed him but I betrayed his mother as well?

A.  I'm sorry I got to call you a stank on this one.  But, I got a plan that just might work.  Sshhh!  come closer.  SMACK SMACK SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hell no, you don't tell him shit.  A dollar to a donut if your boyfriend has strong genes the baby is gonna look like his side anyway. Roll with it and the baby will be related to him regardless whether brother or son.  Next time, do the sister's boyfriend and you wont feel so bad.

Alright, I shared enough.  Until, next time people.  Again, thank you guys so much for supporting me and please leave comments and follow. 

March 21, 2010

QUOTES AND SAYINGS IN THE URBAN VOCABULARY

It's really funny how the human being says things that make absolutely no sense.  However, it's so common and acceptable for us to say.  I put together a few quotes and words that are shortened but, yet still used in the ethnic everyday conversations.  The crazy thing is that white people are even using a few.
  1. Put dis in da fridgerator.  What the hell is a fridgerator?  I'm certain that alot of you reading this right now say this on the regular.  The word "fridgerator" generated from our Southern Grandmothers.
  2. Chile he be trippin. 
  3. You know what i'm saying
  4. My bad.  My fault.  First of all, "MY BAD"  Who stepped on my foot Buckwheat from the Little Rascals?  Also, I know it's your damn fault and the proper thing to say is excuse me.
  5. I be like. 
  6. The devil made me do it.  STOP giving the devil too much credit.  You did it and now's the time to own up to it.
  7. He was like no right. So, I said no nothing right.  He got all mad right.  How many damn times are you going to say right?  No Butthead you're wrong.
  8. You be drawn.  No I'm human and not a cartoon.  Nobody drawed me.Bye Bye.  What are you two years old?  Why the hell are you telling another adult bye bye?
I just shared with you eight daily sayings used in the urban dialect.  If I left anything out post your comment so that it can be added to the list.  Peace.  Again, thank you so much for supporting my blog.  My promise to you is that you will never visit this site not laugh.

THE THINGS THAT WE DO BEFORE BEING INTIMATE THE FIRST TIME

Okay, for those who don't know me I think and say some of the craziest things.  I guess after reading my blog you almost have that figured out.  But, I was sitting here thinking of the things that us women do moments before having sex with someone for the 1st time.  I'm talking about the 60secs. you have before he enters the room.  I created a list and I would like to read your comments.  You have to be 100% honest.  Let's have it ladies.
  1. Smell Check.  I always do the smell check when they leave out the room for a second.  I don't stink but, I just want to be certain everything is official down there.  Don't know man want to screw a stinky woman.
  2. Kegels.  Ladies do them even before and during sex.  You may not be a virgin but he doesn't need to get lost in the Kitty.
  3. Fart.  This one wasn't from me but, a person just as crazy as I am.  When asked why she answered that she be nervous.  I hope it isn't one of those silent but deadly farts.
  4. Pray.  Hey God is everywhere.  So don't think that you are gonna be in your Jenna Jamison mode and noone will know.  Doesn't that creep you out.  But, if it isn't your husband we shouldn't be doing it and I just want to ask for forgiveness before hand. 
  5. Phone.  I turn my phone to vibrate.  Because that is so annoying when you just get into it and the mood is broken by your dumb ass ringtone.  Especially, if the caller is persistent and is going to keep calling until they get an answer.
  6. Butt smell check.  My cousin/friend said that moments before getting intimate she checks the smell of her ASS.  I can't bring myself  to tell you how she does the check.
There you have a few of my strange before sex checklist suggestions.  Let me hear some of your seconds before sex suggestions or rituals.  I love you guys and thank you for the support.

March 19, 2010

Seven Ways To Make Your Mate Mad

  1. Put his number on call block.  By doing this everytime he calls the phone will go straight to voicemail.  Men hate when we aren't available for them.  But, they have so many excuses when we try to contact them and can't. 
  2. If you have children, by the kids or kid a new toy 2(x)'s in the same week.  Tell them that it's a gift from Mr.Troy.  It has to be a sort of sexy and popular name.  He'll clown you if he finds out Herman is the new dude in your life.  Also, make sure that it's a toy that they really want.  Doing this will anger him because no man can deal with another man interacting with their children.
  3. Ask him to babysit one weekend?  He will do it because he wants you to know that he moved on and is not affected the least bit with yall break up. Now, you pull out that sexy little number that drives him wild.  Be certain to have it on when he arrives.  That way you can act as if you are on your way out the door.  Shut up!  You know your mate doesn't know how to tell time.  He won't have the slightest idea that it's 10:00am in the morning.  And if he does so what, you're a borderline alcoholic anyway so you partying so early wouldn't be unusual.
  4. Break his password to his cellular phone.  Change it because he so dumb he wouldn't even know.  This will really piss him off.  But, you have to make sure your duck and run game is on point after doing this.  Sshh!  Come closer.  You are going to change the voicemail. Here's what you will say "Hi, you have reached the voicemail of John aka Samir, aka Seth, aka, deadbeat, aka Im really a broke triphling butthole.  He doesn't have any money, that is my son's scooter that he is peddling, that jacket belongs to my brother, and he is really light skinned when he washes his stanky ass"  Now, you see why you have to duck.
  5. Contact the health department and tell them that you are him and you need help contacting your last sexual partner to tell her you have gonnorhea in your big toe.  Then, give them the name and number of the new girl.
  6. Kill him with kindness.  Men hate this because they haven't a clue of what you're really thinking.
  7. Last but not least, start dating a man uglier than him.  Therefore, you made him mad at the fact that you were trying to make him jealous with a man that looks like Dennis Rodman. 
  8. These my sisterhood are seven golden rules to make your mate mad.  Feel free to comment.  Love you all and thanks for supporting my blog.

March 18, 2010

God Damn Bill Collectors

I hate when bill collectors call you with stupid questions like is Rasheema home? You are not my friend I say Hell No I'm not home. They must hire the dumbest people. This has to be a result from the recession. Okay, read this one. The bill collector call from the bank about your overdraft balance that you never paid them for 2 years prior. Now, that has to be most stupidest crap I ever heard. If I had the damn money to pay you for overdraft fees I would not have overdrafted in the first place. Crazy. Shaking My Damn Head. That isn't even the kicker. The kicker is I overdrafted because I had no damn intentions on paying you in the first place. Guess some drug dealer boyfriend won't be asking me to put a car in my name for him. The funniest bill collectors are the ones that try to bully you into paying them. I have to admit I love screwing with them.
Ms.Kearney when will you be paying this debt? I tell them idiots the 32nd of the following month. One buttface had the nerve to ask if that would be paid through debit or cash. Again, a result of the recession. The best one is when they call and they ask to speak with Rasheema and I go off on them so bad that my own mama get mad. This is me yall, "Bitch, I know you ain't calling my lesbian lover. That's my bitch. I am so fucking sick of you calling here for Rasheema it's a damn shame. Get your own lover you dyke" Man they get off that phone so fast you would think I was spitting fire through the handset. Again, that damn recession. But, the best way to get a bill collector to not call you again is to not let then off the phone. As soon as they ask for you, say "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT RASHEEMA. LORD NOT RASHEEMA. WHY SIR WHY SIR WHY RASHEEMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" they desperately try to disconnect the call but they can't because I won't let them. HaHaHa now share some of your funny bill collector stories with me. That way we can laugh together. Don't forget to subscribe to my blog. Peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOUR STRONG BLACK WOMEN IN MY LIFE

Last night, I was feeling myself around the blogsite and I stumbled across a blog posted from my cousin.  She dedicated this blog for a very dear friend of hers' that lost her mother.  Within seconds, I was crying and giving God thanks for the strong black women he has placed in my life and not until that very moment did I realize the purpose of the things that they have instored in me were for reasons.  I thank my Aunt Tine for introducing us to Christ at a young age and encouring the act of prayer.  When I was a little girl I can remember like it was yesterday my aunt would nudge us everytime it was alter call.  Alter call is when everyone who wants to commit their life to Christ as their personal savior or maybe just praying  for things that could be going on in their lives or others that calls for immediate prayer.  Anyway, I would say under my breath "How many times do I have to get saved?  I just got saved last Sunday and the Sunday before that."  I thank my mother, Fay because although she didn't go to church she forced me every Sunday to go.  "How she gonna make me go and she doesn't go her darn self?"  Of course, I didn't say this aloud.  My teeth would have been down my throat and I would've still had to go.  My cousin, Sara and I would hookie church on the Sundays that my aunt, which is their mother wouldn't go.  I so get now my grandmother, Emma Kearney all time favorite quote "Just Pray, Baby"  I hated that this would be her answer to everything.  You fell and broke your foot.  Just pray, baby.  You have a toothache, Just Pray Baby.  Last but not least, My cousin, godmother, best friend, direct line to God, prayer warrior, and most of all a beautiful, strong black woman.  I'll never forget the first time that I visited my cousin, Kissie in Atlanta and we were going to church.  I sat and watch this girl give a large amount to her tithes.  "You giving them that much?  Man, your pastor is a pimp."  I know that was so ignorant to say but as the title of blogsite says "Only Rocky" it's expected.  She laughed.  I later learned through her that it isn't what you give but that you give.  I love, love, love, U Kissie because even through blogging you are still giving.  Basically, I wanted to share with you what each of these women instored in me.  Now, I am going to reveal to you what God revealed to me last night.  Aunt Tine was teaching me how to pray and introducing me to who to pray to.  My mother, Fay was instilling in me the values of worshipping and revealing a place of shelter to run to when need be. Grandmom was making sure that I knew to pray about each and everything because nothing is considered trivial to God.  And You Kissie Hhm I can't say enough but, what you taught me is to give.  Not only to give but to give unselfishly and I too will be blessed.  So, thank you God for revealing this to me.  Thank you 4 beautiful, strong, black women for what you have shown and given of yourself.  Please, followers share and give thanks to the people who have made an impact on your life.  Post it and lets give thanks together.  Love you all for following me and I just had to give you all a serious topic.  I look forward to reading your comments.

March 17, 2010

THINGS WE CLAIM NOT TO CARE ABOUT

Alot of times things go bad in our relationship because we fail to realize that our significant other is what we and so many others looking from the outside is.  As women, we tend to make excuses for their slacking and etc.  We give answers and explanations for their flaws.  No, it isn't anyone place to judge or question your relationship but, at times we put them private moments on display.  I want you to read the following relationship accusations aloud and see for yourself how dumb we sound while saying them.
  1. He cheated because he THOUGHT that I was cheating on him.
  2. He leave sometimes because he has alot on his mind and doesn't want to take it out on me.
  3. I don't care if he cheats because he always come back to me in the end.
  4. Him and her are just real cool.  They are like brothers and sisters.  I think nothing of him walking around in boxers when she is visiting.
  5. He lost his phone.
  6. He let his battery die that's why it kept going to voicemail when I called.
  7. He just needed the money to make moves out of town.  He is gonna double that and give me 2(x)'s my income tax back.
  8. The movie tickets left in his rental was his homeboys'.  He let him hold the car.
  9. His mom hugged him that's why he has lipstick on his collar.  HaHa she was fixing his zipper too because there is lipstick on his drawers.
  10. My girlfriend is jealous of our relationship and he isn't coming back until I cut all ties with my friends.  They can't keep me warm at night.

March 16, 2010

HORRIBLE FIRST DATES

Have you ever went on a first date that was a disaster?  I'm talking about the dates that he/she turns you straight off.  It could be his /her aggresiveness, foul breath, too cool, fashion attire, and etc.  Well, I'd like to share one of man and I am asking that you leave one of your own.l  I met this guy and him and I communicated via telephone.  From conversations with the dude he seemed like he had his shit together.  A week later we made plans to catch a movie and go out to dinner.  During the movie he insisted on whispering his hot breath in my ear and placing his arm around my shoulders.  You know putting moves on me.  I would keep jerking away and I guess that this offended him because a few minutes later he said that he was going to the bathroom.  Fifthteen minutes pass and still he hasnt returned.  Now, I am worried that dude left me at the movies.  Therefore, I went outside and flagged down a cab.  After being in my home a couple hours, the bell alerts that I have a visitor.  Mr. Bathroom break must've forgot his hall pass becuase he came straight to me and asked why did I leave him at the movies.  I told him that he the one that left me.  These were his exact words.  "I was shitting from all this popcorn"  I'll never look at him the same again  Please follow this blog by
only rocky and twitter.  I really want to hear you guys dating disasters
.

March 15, 2010

When is enough enough?







I just spoke with a friend about a serious situation and I really want to share this without giving a name. If a man loves you he doesn't hurt you intentionally. Love doesn't hurt. Love feels good. No man should or women has the right to put their hands on you. Remember, when you were a kid and your parents taught you the difference between bad touch and good touch? We have to apply those rules in our relationships as well. Don't dog a person out knowing tomorrow that you are going to be with them because that makes you just as wrong as them. The heart love who the heart wants to love but self esteem is controlled by us.

GOTOHELLMONDAY

AS I WAKE UP AND REALIZE THAT THIS INDEED MONDAY I CRINGE @ THE THOUGHT OF GOING TO WORK. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, MONDAY. YOU ARE THE EPITOMY OF THIS EARTH. YOU SINGLE ME OUT FOR TROUBLE BECAUSE DEEP DOWN INSIDE I WANT TO CALL OUT. I HAVE TO SMILE WHEN WALKING IN THE OFFICE AFTER BEING RID OF YOU FOR 6 SIX DAYS. I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU PERSONALLY TO GO TO HELL!!!!!!!

March 14, 2010

If Tiger Woods' Wife Was Black .....

Tiger Woods putting on the 8th green at Torrey...Image via Wikipedia
I'm almost positive that everyone is updated on Tiger Woods' infidelity. I want to know what others think would've happened if he married a black woman. Therefore, I need for all who have an opinion on this topic to complete the title.
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Funniest Breakup Lines

I am sitting here and thinking about how it is so easy for men to end a relationship rather than women. We get so emotional and put a lot of thought into not hurting our mate when it is at the end. However, men keep it short. ex. "This right here aint working" or "Im going to call you back when I finish eating this cheesesteak" But, the next time you see them they are on the news with their hands cuffed behind their back. Sorry, I had a moment. I would love to hear your input on this people.
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Top Ten Things That Makes U Ghetto

Image via Wikipedia

    Mercedes-Benz HighPerformanceEngines Limited
  1. If your children have an utility bill at the age of 6yrs old that classifies as ghetto.  "I don't have to turn the lights off.  It's in my name anyway" says little Mercedes.
  2. If you substitute Joy liquid detergent for Mr.Bubbles then you are ghetto.
  3. If you change your voice when a bill collector contacts you and say that you aren't home is just ghetto.
  4. If you eat your kids trick or treat candy and say that you are checking it for poison is down right ghetto.
  5. If you peek out of the window when the gas man comes and try to act like you arent home is a cold ghetto ass.
  6. If you stay up half the night to practice a sick cough to call out of work the next day is super ghetto.
  7. If you have a friend or relative call your job claiming there has been an emergency at home so that you can go home early is GHETTO.
  8. If you change the M to a F on your neighbor's transpass so that you dont have to pay bus fare is cheap and ghetto.
  9. If you fill the water jug up with water from the faucet and put it in the refrigerator is ghetto.
  10. If you borrow different kids from the neighborhood during income tax time makes you greedy and ghetto.

Please share your thoughts on this.  I look forward to them!

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Luv is Blind

SAN FRANCISCO - MAY 20:  Six packs and single ...
Image by Getty Images via Daylife
I hate when you break up with a guy and you see them months or maybe years later and you are like is that who I was in love with.  Once the blinders are off you start to see your ex-lovers' flaws and imperfections.  You suddenly realize that their eyes are crossed, breath smells like a pound of horse shit, belly looks as if he drank beer all day non-stop, teeth are yellow as the sun, credit is f'd up and the list goes on.  But, the truth of the matter is that he was always was a stank breath, forty drinking, cockeyed debo looking, grill having without the gold teeth bum! 
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Facebook Warriors

LONDON, ENGLAND - MARCH 25:  In this photo ill...Image by Getty Images via Daylife
I AM AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF FACEBOOK.  A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE ASKED ME TO BLOG ABOUT HOW PEOPLE RAM ON FACEBOOK BUT DONT DIRECTLY TELL YOU WHO THEY ARE UPSET WITH.  I LOVE THIS AND I HAVE LABELED IT AS FACEBOOK WARRIORS.  THEY USE WORDS LIKE INSIDER AFTER THEIR POSTINGS OR DUMB QUOTES SUCH AS WHERE DEY DO DAT AT.  ANYWAY, IM GONNA INVITE YOU TO VIEW A FEW FACEBOOK WARS.
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Don't Wanna Speak to Your Child

Children in Jerusalem.Image via Wikipedia
Is it me or do you just hate when people put their children on the phone?  Especially, the kids that ask that one same question over and over again.  "What u doing?"  I mean if the parent doesn't want to talk just say I'll call you back.  Shaking my damn head.  This baby asked me 5(x)'s the same question.  If her mom put her back on the phone,  I am going to formally introduce her to my friend TONE.
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Intense Debate Comments

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