May 18, 2010

Mishaps of Dating Younger

It is currently rumored that NBA player Delonte West is in an intimate relationship with LeBron James' mother.  If this is true I don't think that we have the right to judge but, we damn sure can give our opinion.  "Cougars" is the name used to describe older women that date younger men.  Hey, I say if mom still got it go for it.  But, be respectful to other parties that might be effected by your decision.  This isn't nothing new and actually been going on for sometime now.  Listen, Lindsay Lohan has a new cougar.  But, I guess because they both are women it doesn't count.  I recently had the opportunity to hear other's opinions regarding the alleged Labron James' incident and the response was actually quite interesting.  Some think that it was wrong because it was a teammate, some think that she could've been more discreet and some actually gave mom the thumbs up.  I think that if allegations are true, she was wrong.  Especially, beings as though this isn't just a teammate, peer, or colleague.  But, it's her son career.  I don't see Gloria James on the Campbell Soup commercial.  That's like Donavan McNabb's mother sleeping with Terrell Owens.  Geesh, I just had a visual and it wasn't good.  From speaking with other women, it is said that younger men have alot of stamina and knows how to please a women in the bed.  I'm all for pleasure but, if my kid can look you up in their yearbook that would make me feel like a molester.  I listed a few things that should be made requirements when dating younger men.  Take a peek:
  • Confidential.  Must be a mutual agreement that relationship will be kept private.  Younger men tend to to run their mouths.  Older men do as well but, you look more like a fool when your tenderoni describes your panties to his 7th period classmates.
  • Tricks.  Keep tricks limited.  You would hate for your boy toy to be outside your window singing off key "I Need Love" by LL Cool J because he thinks that was your prom anthem.
  • Maturity.  You have to be the mature one in the relationship.  You can't let him reverse the roles.  It will be quite embarrassing for your friends and co-workers to see you on Broad Street with a flashlight in broad daylight looking for your boo.
  • Never ever ever ever ever tell your young stallion to grow up.  That is the dumbest and most stupid thing for a Cougar to say.
  • Pet names.  This is a definite no no when dealing with a young boy.  During the heat of the moment he might call you Mommy and then it will be kill Bill from there. 
Now, these are my don'ts.  I am going to give you now the guy's restrictions.
  • Love.  Never tell your old head that you love her.  She will put you out there to her friends and you'll look like the neighborhood fool.
  • Keys.  Do not accept the keys.  Once you get the key it is considered lock down and you are stuck.  Miss one night and it's your ass.
  • Sex.  Do not I repeat do not give up good sex.  She will stalk the hell out of you.  Shit can get real fatal.
  • Purchasing.  Do not purchase your old head anything.  Even if it's a pack of cigarettes.  You will be purchasing shit forever.
  • Kids.  If she have kids stay as far as possible away.  If you nice to one you have to be nice to all.  They will start calling you daddy even if you're in the same grade.  Be mean as possible.  Even, if it breaks your young heart.  Do not share now and laters, hugs, or anything else.
  • Transportation.  If you have a car park at least, three blocks away.  If she see you in the car, tell her it broke down.  If not, you will be on a mission impossible for her and family.

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